And I could never really put my finger on the exact worry or nudging that provoked me to feel I need to "stay sane", but it has to do with... managing the intensity, the restlessness inside me. The depth of that ocean, the ferocity, the intensity, the authenticity, my soul depth, that has always made a point that it needs to seen, heard, felt, acknowledged. And I've heeded to many reminders that the only one that can truly appease its needs it myself. Anything, anyone, else would be a temporary band-aid at best and a fudged-up, toxic relationship at worst. I've tried to reason with it, if everything is transitory and temporary anyway, why couldn't I just live this life as in my temporary ignorant bliss as well? Because I know better. It sucks, but I know. I know that I know. So where does that lead me? To stop struggling with it and to embrace it, to yield to it (at worst), to honor it (at best), allow it to shine (or burn, light up, firecracker, darken, to be).
So how do I bring light and accept these gentle stirrings?
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